I've been asked about my spiritual practice often. Since my teacher recently published a book on the practice, I thought I'd both recommend it for those seriously interested and explain a bit from my own experience.
I remember my late teenage years being depressed, lonely, and lost. I was confirmed in my mother's Lutheran Christianity, but that brought no peace. In fact, it was the opposite. I was reaching maturity and begun to observe that those people popular in the church circle were actually hippocrates and phonies. They didn't actually believe Jesus was their “Savior”. I think they felt they should believe and some even wanted to believe, but they didn't. This disturbed me greatly because I watched them commit great sins and then asked god for forgiveness. It occurred to me that the church actually set up a vicious circle in their psyche. None of them got better, and in fact, many progressed to worse and worse infractions. Yet they arrived every sunday, dressed in their finery, and continued to pretend to be good Christians. This hypocrisy became painful for my youthful self because my mother, in particular, did believe and try to improve as a human being. She did not meet with any degree of success that I was able to determine. Thus, I found myself in a quandary: Most of the congregation only pretended to practice christianity, and the few that actually did, became mentally, emotionally, or socially ill in some way. Mother developed deep and profound narcisism for example.
I knew something was missing. I knew, even at 18, I was here in this life time to grow spiritually. Thus, I began to explore readings that were “forbidden” by mother and contrary to the teachings of Christianity. I came upon an old book called The Wisdom of China and India Translated by Lin Yutang (Random House, New York, 1942). I had always felt drawn to China in a way I couldn't explain, so I began reading the Wisdom of China section. The first translated work was the Tao Te Ching by Lau Tzu. Its hard to explain how a simple book can have such a profound effect on a person, but I was struck as if by lightning. Adrenaline burst through my veins and I felt a great weight lifted from inside me. It was like opening my eyes for the the first time. This was what I was missing!
I then set out to find a teacher as I instinctively knew I couldn't get all I needed from reading books. As I look back, it is clear to me now that I wasn't ready then: I didn't have the patients, I wasn't ready to give up my personality I had cultivated and grew to love deeply, I hadn't conquered my ADHD, and I just couldn't sit still long enough to be a worthwhile student. Life soon became my teacher as I began to learn what I needed in order for a spiritual teacher to be useful. Work, marriage, children, going to college while working full-time in order to “get ahead”, gain a better job, and finally to be rewarded by being able to retire from a high school teaching position in my early 50s. Finally, life deemed me ready because within a couple years of retirement, my teacher “appeared”.
While I was busy “doing life”, certain books came my way and I purchased them fully intending to read them all. I did consume several: books on out-of-the-body travel (which I was very intrigued with), tantra, Eastern religions, and others of a spiritual nature. After retirement, I finally had the time to begin reading these works that had called to me off bookseller's shelves all along. I read a book called Kundalini: Divine Energy, Divine Life by Cyndi Dale (Llewellyn Publications, Woodbury, 2011), and again I was struck. Kundalini. It occurred to me that there may be a group or groups practicing Kundalini Yoga or exploring this spiritual energy in Portland. So I looked, and sure enough I found Alice, who became my first teacher of kundalini yoga.
From the first session, I felt… something. A faint stirring inside. It wasn't much, but I knew it was there - an energy inside I could open up to. It was not exactly the same as the chi I experienced when I briefly studied Tai Chi a couple times in the past. This was different, subtle, soul warming. If I hadn't felt anything, I imagine I would have dropped the practice and looked for something else, but as the weeks turned to months of meditation, learning about my energy centers Alice called chakras, and feeling the energy flow inside me getting stronger and stronger, I knew I found what I had been looking for all my life. Alice was a student herself of a spiritual teacher who resided in New York, named Stuart. He periodically came to Portland and conducted retreats. I attended them all and was able to build a personal relationship with him. He was a student of a great spiritual teacher, Swami Rudranada, who perished in a plane wreck several years in the past. Stuart was in the same plane, and lived to carry on Rudi's work. I am now finishing my 10th year in this practice.
What we do is a craft – a spiritual practice which was developed in India thousands of years ago. It is neither a religion nor a cult. We have no dogma, services, rituals, or doctrines. All are welcome to participate. The only rule is no drugs as they damage our chakras over time. The aim is to become a better person by working on oneself through daily meditation. We all carry much baggage from this life and many previous ones. This practice allows us to begin cleaning out all this old garbage we have carried inside so long. It allows us to open to the flow of spiritual energy that is all around us. For many of us, it has become a lifelong practice that has had a profound effect on our lives the longer we practice. There is nothing to believe in, no god to worship, and no evangelism. We aren't looking for anyone to convert. However, if you are interested in what we do, I recommend this book: Rura Meditation: Transforming Life's Tensions into Joy and Love, by Stuart Perrin (ISBN 979-8-2187-8366-2). It may be the start of a new life for you, a spiritual life.
Joy and Love to All
Bob